If music be the food of love, play on

Music has literally saved my life so many times. There is nothing like finding a song that you relate to and getting lost in the lyrics. Here's some of my favorites at the moment.

Firewood by Regina Spektor
"You'll take the clock off of your wall and you'll wish that it was lying"

Transatlanticism by Deathcab for Cutie
"The Atlantic was born today and I'll tell you how"

Only if for a night by Florence and the Machine
"and although I was burning, you're the only light"

Handstands

I could water the desert with the amount of tears I've shed for you
Bet I could have found a cure for cancer if I had refocused all that energy
But you were an ever hungry leech
Always unsatisfied and sucking the life out of me
So I left your painful embrace in search of happiness
But I found that your torture became my foundation
So I just crumbled everytime I made the decision to leave
What do I do now that we are permanently seperated
Stop the whole world from spinning?
Travel all the way back to the beginning?
Then maybe fight for everything that I know you believed in
Because I know now there were things that should have been said
Should have pulled those thoughts from our heads
Problem is I cannot change these things
Your short existance has come to an end and even though it was significant

The water keeps flowing and the world keeps on spinning
So I have to attempt to comprehend all our short comings
All your flaws that I never noticed before
They are ugly, yet they still fit perfectly with mine
All the misteps that we made are still footprints side by side
All the stars we gazed upon, they're still perfectly aligned
And I feel so small sometimes without you finishing my sentences

But I know it's not as hopeless as it seems

The melancholy tends to be relentless
But I cant fret over broken dreams
I have to let go now and I know you understand
So if your looking for me ill be right here waiting
In the grave yard of our love

doing handstands

Hold

What a hold
In life and after
After such a tragic storm
You're still here
My perfect disaster
What a hold
To make me stop living
Even though I am breathing
To fade away colors
That were once so bold
To turn our warmest memories
Into something dead and cold
what a hold you must have
what a hold

Repeat Repeat Repeat

Okay this song has been on repeat for a while now. Well this along with a few other which I will eventually post.

It's a cover but I like it way better than the original. I personally think the Gorillaz are underrated and brilliant. Feel Good Inc is still one of my favorite songs. Anyway I present to you Crystalized 

"Do I have to keep up this pace to keep you satisfied?"

Also I'll try to post more often but I'm taking science this semester so no promises.

Crossroads

All the things I'll regret when I'm old
The morals I've bought and sold
Oh I use to be nice
and I used to be kind
But we all grow a little bit cold

I remember when I began to fold
when I came to this fork in the road
I took that wrong turn
And it turned me around
Can't tell if it's for better or worse

I know I let people down slow
And I've been to the lowest low
But when I'm ten feet tall
when I'm not so small
I'll be standing on my own

There are truths I will never know
In the past that I have to let go
It haunts me for now
but if I turn back around
Ill know which way I'll go

The Binge

They've been churning in my gut
all the feelings I have swallowed
Wish I could vomit them back up
But it would only leave me shallow
I had this appetite for us
And all our empty words
Never felt so damn untouched
I think I like the way it hurts
All the whispered little lies
They soon become my truth
And all my logical ties
I severed them just for you
But you didn't notice my pain
Even when I was bleeding
And I still hung on to the remains
Even when you were leaving
It has to end, and yet I flounder
held by your gravitational pull
and sometimes I sit and wonder
If I will ever really be full

Skyscraper

Okay. Demi Lovato is one of my favorite artist. She is, in my opinion, the most talented singer to come out of Disney and one of the most talented singers out there. Anyway let me stop fangirling LOL.

This is her new single 'Skyscraper'.  It's a song about overcoming obstacles and rising above all the crap life throws at you. It is brilliant! The song is so inspiring especially since she is going through so much. From her eating disorder, to her cutting, to her being diagnosed as Bipolar she has pushed through. The song is already #1 on itunes without any promotion. So I guess I'm not alone in my adoration. 

I also love finding music that I can relate to on a personal level. And since my recent trip to Florida brought up some memories I've been trying to repress, this song is gonna be on repeat for a while. 

I think it's about time I start talking about music on this blog. Especially since I listen to my ipod constantly. I'll probably share my playlists soon.

My Dear Ghost

Here I go again
The pre-show ritual
Thinking of you in complete silence
You have nothing left to sing
So you're no longer my competition
Yet somehow
I'm the one who lost everything
Oh river in the sky, what is unrequited love?
It's the air that I breathe
It's me and only me
With just myself as company
it's the voice that never answers me
when I ask 'do you  love me?'
Look at me now my dear ghost
I'm all covered in black
even in my shinny red tap shoes
and my sparkly dress
Keep on smiling
Good thing these strangers can't see through me
Don't worry my dear ghost
I'm still your clown when your not looking
And inside I'm breaking down
But look at all shows I'm booking
These blank faces in the crowd
I don't  trust them anymore
And how about that? Suddenly the applause is just to loud
I miss your voice saying nice things whenever I was nervous
and then when I felt good you were taking me back down
But I understood
God knows none you could ever shine with me around
But I still miss your voice
It's true
And sometimes I look at old photographs of me and you
But I imagine the stories behind them
To be something much more pleasant
Like that time in my head where you and I had a picnic
And you threw a big hissy fit
cause all these bugs got in it
And you only calmed down
when I started laughing at you
Then we laid there and just talked
Just us two
But these are things that never were
Things that could never ever be
And I have to come to terms
With the fact that you betrayed me
I have to climb that pedestal
and take down your memories
I have to face the fact that now… there's just me
The undefeated one
The last one standing
And I can barely hold back the tears
But I keep 
dancing
dancing
dancing

The morning after

artwork by yours truly

It's a strange day today
in my head
in my dreams
in my twisted demented reality
its a strange strange day
and the rain is tinted red
running down my drain
I wished for it
I asked for it
what a strange day
my reflections not the same today
it's so crooked
I was so beautiful before
and now I'm in ruins
but thats because I was so stupid
Am so stupid
Now that girl I used to be
5 years ago
she turns to me
she says "what have you done to us,
what have you done to me"
I've given up my dignity
Hoping I could get close
But I never did
I lost myself trying to find him
I'm sorry I let you down
Sorry I've broken us
But I had no choice
I was… am…was in love
failure
And it almost feels good
this is what it feels like
It burns
And I think that it should
But why did he let danger back in
Because I wasn't his problem
And why didn't I fight
Because I wasn't my problem
besides
why even try
I knew I would never win
I never do
In fact
I've never won a single thing
I'm sorry I let us grow cold
I was so warm before
I'm sorry I let us grow cold
I just don't care anymore
these memories won't go away
I'm not sure I want them to
What a strange day
Being happily torn in two

The Story of Us

We were the legend
that no one will ever mention
because bravery escaped us both
I have to believe that now
And though we barely touched
Your fingerprints permanently grace my skin
And though you never said you loved me
My heart was the only place you ever fit in
And we barely held on
It was just 22 months
But it felt like my whole life
Like an eternity
But that's what we were
Don't you get it?
We were everything
they didn't write our story down
because the world couldn't handle it
this bond that we had
they didn't know what to call it
You were the only one that understood me
the one that got to me
My impenetrable  wall of wit and independence
All you did was smile
And it came tumbling down brick by brick by brick
But I still saw so much more than you
While you were playing with matches and gasoline
I was thinking things through
And I burned when you burned
And I bled when you bled
And now I keep all our memories inside my head
And it breaks my spirit each day
But someone has to remember it
Because they were important
Those 22 months that we lived
We were not  Romeo or Juliet
We were so much better than that
something that never got touched or ruined
something magic, something magnificent
You were my favorite mistake
You were so damn brilliant
The shiniest nail in my coffin
I was built to be broken by you
And you were born to be torn in two
There should have been a song about  us
our unlabeled, untouched, unlawful perfection
our self-destructive pile of machinery and rust
A shiny bit of nothing
and still...we sure were something
We were the heroes of the story
yes we were the legend
the one and only legend
that no one will ever mention

Guess who's back?

So school is finally over... well this semester anyway. I honestly feel like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I didn't even realized how draining it was until Monday came along and I didn't have to get up. I looked at my alarm and laughed ( like a psychopath) and went back to sleep.
 
 Lets see my Five British Authors teacher decided to give us 2 finals... yes 2 ( because I have no life or other classes apparently). Then he gave us the study-guide on Friday May 6th for the final on Monday May 9th... which threw a big monkey wrench in my plans to go to NYC. So I studied until I cried, took the final, and then he handed us the take home potion due Wednesday May 8th. Guess what the take home portion was... 3 ESSAYS.  So I already had a essay (which was our final) due for my Memoirs  and Autobiography class making it a grand total of 4 essays to do in 2 days. How I managed not to shoot myself I'll never know. My final for Copyediting was relatively  easy and I turned in my final article for my Writing for online Media class the previous week. I just don't understand professors sometimes. Why become a teacher just to make unsuspecting young adults lives a living hell? Sadists.

Basically finals were HORRIBLE .. but they are over now, this entire semester is over and I can finally breathe. Whew! Anyway back to blogging, and writing, and ranting about irrelevant things LOL.

And thank God it's finally summer : )

This used to be a funhouse

Are you using up your tokens
Are you still playing with disguises
I know your so damn used to winning
Don't you want to choose the prizes
See I used to do it too
Play a pointless game or two
Then I had to grow up
But you just couldn't let it go
You just wanted to waste time
You had your enablers approval
So you didn't need mine
So now she's twiddling her thumbs
And now I've gone a little numb
And you can not do anything
I guess we're all a little dumb
So I refuse to stop living
I refuse to not go on
And all of this for nothing
We just wanted to have fun 

We just wanted to have fun

Living in a glass house

Im in trouble with my friend
He's giving me that look again
Seems I crushed his precious feelings
living in a glass house
He said down here its fine to lie
He said down here we never cry
I'll be putting on a smile
Well until you turn around
And now I feel a little weak
The good intentions of the meek
I should have turned the other cheek
living in a glass house

Sleepwalkers

Did you visit me last night
Was it my imagination
Are you stuck between two worlds
Unsure of your destination
Am I mentally unstable
Or just emotionally unstable
Can we ever let this go
Were we ever really able
If this you, the real you
Could you tell me the truth
Could you tell me if you loved me
The same way that I loved you
Should we ignore the real world
Here in this empty space
We could build new walls around us
But I know its just a waste
Should we pretend we're unaware
Of the secrets that we keep
Will we open up our eyes
Or stay forever half asleep

Photoshop!!!

Guys look what I made!

So I was playing with photoshop today and this awkward collage thingy is what I made lol. I actually like it and I spent a significant amount of time making it so that I could have a cool header image or background. Unfortunately I can't get it to upload as a background and theres no way to make customized header images . Thus I am a sad puppy : ( lol. No but I have seen so many blogs with a custom templates and I keep wondering how they did it. For example...

How are other bloggers doing this? And this is another blogger.com blog so... Color me confused

Anyway I like photoshop its a fantastic way to waste time haha!

random sketches

My name is Alice

My name is Alice
But this is not a wonderland
He welcomed me into his palace
I was afraid to hold his hand
Cause I was too afraid to fall
I was to afraid to fall

He offered me a little cup
But it was already half empty
I still pulled a chair up
And I watched him watching me
He got bored soon enough
But he still fascinates me

Then he led me to his room
And we talked and we laughed
About insignificant things
Little details of our past
And I felt something, should have ran
But I’ve never been that fast

We made it our daily routine
To do these couple-y things
And I could tell he was just friendly
Just wanted someone to listen
I wish he loved me to
I wish he could understand
I wish he felt the way I do
But I know that he cant

I am not a queen
And I am not a heart breaker
I could never be that mean
And all he wants is her
I could never be that cruel
I could never rule this land
My name is Alice
But this is not a wonderland

Make room for...

So yesterday one of the blogs I frequently visit (a fellow hipster) was blogging about her recently redecorated room. So I was like whatever and spent the rest of my day on tumblr and youtube (I know I am so productive). Then today I looked at my room, really looked at it... and it's a hot mess lol. So now I have officially caught the redecorating bug.

Here's how my room looks at the moment... brace yourselves

Still unpacking so thats what all the trashbags are... All I have on my walls is some of my drawings and a mirror lol.


Anyway I went on a google adventure and now I sort of have an idea what I want to do. Heres some of the things I found.

I've always wanted a funky wallpaper.  I have seen the black and white one before and I've always wanted to try it.

 Okay so no I do not want to hang my bed from the ceiling... but this is to cool not to post.

I want this wall bookshelf thingy! It's looks like a comic bubble! Gimmy Gimmy Gimmy

More cool shelving

And along with my art, it would be nice to have a mod-like clock for decoration

This is a lamp... how cool is that? An apple lamp.

Well I'm done boring you guys now. Hopefully I will actually get something done in this room next year. I'll just add this to my New Years resolution list now : ) 

Picking up the pieces

Are you the one?
I used to think that he was
But I guess that I was wrong
When it was all said and done
I made such a fuss
Now the world is laughing at us
They all think that we should give up
It will be a difficult task
To fall in love...I mean truly in love
Not that useless confusing Hollywood stuff
See we'll have to start from scratch
Then polish each other back up
Sure we'll get blood on our hands
But we'll do all we can
To pick the pieces back up

So maybe there isn't just one someone
Maybe there are way to many
And there are oh so many parts
And we can't control any
And the world is laughing at us
It's true
The world wants us to be brand new
Because if we were smart
We would avoid used hearts
I'm glad I'm just as foolish as you

adieu

I begged you
Something I once swore I'ld never do
Please don't leave me
But you've got things to do
Wings that need to be used
Invisible mountains to move
You have no time left for me
Must you leave so soon?
Heaven can wait right?
Yes heaven can wait
But not for you