Hold

What a hold
In life and after
After such a tragic storm
You're still here
My perfect disaster
What a hold
To make me stop living
Even though I am breathing
To fade away colors
That were once so bold
To turn our warmest memories
Into something dead and cold
what a hold you must have
what a hold

Repeat Repeat Repeat

Okay this song has been on repeat for a while now. Well this along with a few other which I will eventually post.

It's a cover but I like it way better than the original. I personally think the Gorillaz are underrated and brilliant. Feel Good Inc is still one of my favorite songs. Anyway I present to you Crystalized 

"Do I have to keep up this pace to keep you satisfied?"

Also I'll try to post more often but I'm taking science this semester so no promises.

Crossroads

All the things I'll regret when I'm old
The morals I've bought and sold
Oh I use to be nice
and I used to be kind
But we all grow a little bit cold

I remember when I began to fold
when I came to this fork in the road
I took that wrong turn
And it turned me around
Can't tell if it's for better or worse

I know I let people down slow
And I've been to the lowest low
But when I'm ten feet tall
when I'm not so small
I'll be standing on my own

There are truths I will never know
In the past that I have to let go
It haunts me for now
but if I turn back around
Ill know which way I'll go

The Binge

They've been churning in my gut
all the feelings I have swallowed
Wish I could vomit them back up
But it would only leave me shallow
I had this appetite for us
And all our empty words
Never felt so damn untouched
I think I like the way it hurts
All the whispered little lies
They soon become my truth
And all my logical ties
I severed them just for you
But you didn't notice my pain
Even when I was bleeding
And I still hung on to the remains
Even when you were leaving
It has to end, and yet I flounder
held by your gravitational pull
and sometimes I sit and wonder
If I will ever really be full

Skyscraper

Okay. Demi Lovato is one of my favorite artist. She is, in my opinion, the most talented singer to come out of Disney and one of the most talented singers out there. Anyway let me stop fangirling LOL.

This is her new single 'Skyscraper'.  It's a song about overcoming obstacles and rising above all the crap life throws at you. It is brilliant! The song is so inspiring especially since she is going through so much. From her eating disorder, to her cutting, to her being diagnosed as Bipolar she has pushed through. The song is already #1 on itunes without any promotion. So I guess I'm not alone in my adoration. 

I also love finding music that I can relate to on a personal level. And since my recent trip to Florida brought up some memories I've been trying to repress, this song is gonna be on repeat for a while. 

I think it's about time I start talking about music on this blog. Especially since I listen to my ipod constantly. I'll probably share my playlists soon.

Funny Fridayz

My Dear Ghost

Here I go again
The pre-show ritual
Thinking of you in complete silence
You have nothing left to sing
So you're no longer my competition
Yet somehow
I'm the one who lost everything
Oh river in the sky, what is unrequited love?
It's the air that I breathe
It's me and only me
With just myself as company
it's the voice that never answers me
when I ask 'do you  love me?'
Look at me now my dear ghost
I'm all covered in black
even in my shinny red tap shoes
and my sparkly dress
Keep on smiling
Good thing these strangers can't see through me
Don't worry my dear ghost
I'm still your clown when your not looking
And inside I'm breaking down
But look at all shows I'm booking
These blank faces in the crowd
I don't  trust them anymore
And how about that? Suddenly the applause is just to loud
I miss your voice saying nice things whenever I was nervous
and then when I felt good you were taking me back down
But I understood
God knows none you could ever shine with me around
But I still miss your voice
It's true
And sometimes I look at old photographs of me and you
But I imagine the stories behind them
To be something much more pleasant
Like that time in my head where you and I had a picnic
And you threw a big hissy fit
cause all these bugs got in it
And you only calmed down
when I started laughing at you
Then we laid there and just talked
Just us two
But these are things that never were
Things that could never ever be
And I have to come to terms
With the fact that you betrayed me
I have to climb that pedestal
and take down your memories
I have to face the fact that now… there's just me
The undefeated one
The last one standing
And I can barely hold back the tears
But I keep 
dancing
dancing
dancing

Nars Nars Nars

Okay. So I do this thing where I see someone with something and then become obsessed with it until I buy it. Well last time I was out I saw someone with this really sparkly red/orange lip gloss. Apparently it is called Wonder by Nars.

So then I went on YouTube and random blogs and found about 15 shades that I like. Here are some of my favorites 

Sandpaper

Stella

 

and Angelika

Of course buying lip glosses isn't a big deal and I use them every time I go out ( and sometimes when I'm bored at home) but I've noticed all the really good ones ( Mac, Nars, Lancome, Stila etc.) are way overpriced with a tiny bit of product. Mac by far is the worst offender when it comes to the amount of product and it is $18. Nars, which has the most product and good pigmentation, is $24. Yeah. How about no! But I do try them on in department stores and dream about being rich enough to buy them someday. I do own 3 Mac Dazzleglasses (got them at allcosmeticswholesale.com for cheap) and a Nars lipgloss that I got for $10 at a Sephora sale. I had no idea they are regularly $24 or I would have gotten more ( which, DAMN DAMN DAMN), but I digress. 

I'll be dreaming of you tonight Angelika

The morning after

artwork by yours truly

It's a strange day today
in my head
in my dreams
in my twisted demented reality
its a strange strange day
and the rain is tinted red
running down my drain
I wished for it
I asked for it
what a strange day
my reflections not the same today
it's so crooked
I was so beautiful before
and now I'm in ruins
but thats because I was so stupid
Am so stupid
Now that girl I used to be
5 years ago
she turns to me
she says "what have you done to us,
what have you done to me"
I've given up my dignity
Hoping I could get close
But I never did
I lost myself trying to find him
I'm sorry I let you down
Sorry I've broken us
But I had no choice
I was… am…was in love
failure
And it almost feels good
this is what it feels like
It burns
And I think that it should
But why did he let danger back in
Because I wasn't his problem
And why didn't I fight
Because I wasn't my problem
besides
why even try
I knew I would never win
I never do
In fact
I've never won a single thing
I'm sorry I let us grow cold
I was so warm before
I'm sorry I let us grow cold
I just don't care anymore
these memories won't go away
I'm not sure I want them to
What a strange day
Being happily torn in two

Traveling woes

Haven't posted much this week because I've been on the road... well actually I was in the air then lost in a ATL airport for an hour, then back in the air again. Final destination Palm Bay, FL. That is Palm Bay ...the-city-that-is-actually-a-giant-forest-with-gas stations-that-calls-itself-a-city-anyway-even-though-it-doesn't-even-have-a-mall FL.

The point of this random post is that traveling is no fun when you're doing it alone...and Delta should try not to suck so much. I mean...telling me, about 2 hours before my flight, that it is delayed (and because of said delay I would miss my connecting flight ending up with 4 hours to kill in an ATL airport), then getting an attitude when I ask to fly out the next day instead? Really Delta? Really? Not to mention no one knew where my gate was when I arrived in ATL, ( there was a series of shrugs and iunuh's) which is how I got lost for an hour. *face palm* Why is there a train with 4 stops inside that airport anyway? Oy Vey!


But I am glad to be here with my mom and my pets. Thankfully I made it here safely.

Here's a picture of my trouble making dog. His name is Taz after the Tasmanian devil from the Bugz bunny cartoons.

Believe me, he earned the name.

Funny Fridays... the return

 HAHA I wonder if anyone did this

Window shopping ...FAIL

Good news! I'm finally getting over the bug I had this past week. I was throwing up and couldn't eat...Ugh ugh ugh! I hate being sick.

Anyway this week has been kind of funny. I slept right through my alarm clock so I missed my orthodontist appointment and had to reschedule for next week. Then I have a math exam tomorrow and something else I'm supposed to do but cannot remember. Well instead of studying for my math placement exam, I went to the mall ... to window shop. I ended buying lipgloss and a pair of boots.

[Sidenote: I have to take the math placement exam before I'm allowed to take my math requirement and graduate( which should be in 2012). I tested into to the class below the one I need (which is college algebra) and I'm hoping this time I'll pass it. Stupid Algebra, it's been ruining my life since 2005. Why do we have to test into math anyway? Just let us pick whatever classes we want man.]

In my defense they are really cute boots and were only $20.

They also look like these $200 BCBG boots that I wanted.

Yes this post was pointless and all over the place... I'm aware

The Story of Us

We were the legend
that no one will ever mention
because bravery escaped us both
I have to believe that now
And though we barely touched
Your fingerprints permanently grace my skin
And though you never said you loved me
My heart was the only place you ever fit in
And we barely held on
It was just 22 months
But it felt like my whole life
Like an eternity
But that's what we were
Don't you get it?
We were everything
they didn't write our story down
because the world couldn't handle it
this bond that we had
they didn't know what to call it
You were the only one that understood me
the one that got to me
My impenetrable  wall of wit and independence
All you did was smile
And it came tumbling down brick by brick by brick
But I still saw so much more than you
While you were playing with matches and gasoline
I was thinking things through
And I burned when you burned
And I bled when you bled
And now I keep all our memories inside my head
And it breaks my spirit each day
But someone has to remember it
Because they were important
Those 22 months that we lived
We were not  Romeo or Juliet
We were so much better than that
something that never got touched or ruined
something magic, something magnificent
You were my favorite mistake
You were so damn brilliant
The shiniest nail in my coffin
I was built to be broken by you
And you were born to be torn in two
There should have been a song about  us
our unlabeled, untouched, unlawful perfection
our self-destructive pile of machinery and rust
A shiny bit of nothing
and still...we sure were something
We were the heroes of the story
yes we were the legend
the one and only legend
that no one will ever mention

Guess who's back?

So school is finally over... well this semester anyway. I honestly feel like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I didn't even realized how draining it was until Monday came along and I didn't have to get up. I looked at my alarm and laughed ( like a psychopath) and went back to sleep.
 
 Lets see my Five British Authors teacher decided to give us 2 finals... yes 2 ( because I have no life or other classes apparently). Then he gave us the study-guide on Friday May 6th for the final on Monday May 9th... which threw a big monkey wrench in my plans to go to NYC. So I studied until I cried, took the final, and then he handed us the take home potion due Wednesday May 8th. Guess what the take home portion was... 3 ESSAYS.  So I already had a essay (which was our final) due for my Memoirs  and Autobiography class making it a grand total of 4 essays to do in 2 days. How I managed not to shoot myself I'll never know. My final for Copyediting was relatively  easy and I turned in my final article for my Writing for online Media class the previous week. I just don't understand professors sometimes. Why become a teacher just to make unsuspecting young adults lives a living hell? Sadists.

Basically finals were HORRIBLE .. but they are over now, this entire semester is over and I can finally breathe. Whew! Anyway back to blogging, and writing, and ranting about irrelevant things LOL.

And thank God it's finally summer : )

Things that I want

Well more like clothing and accessories that I want...

Okay I MUST find these shoes and the tights. This is like my new life mission lol.

Seriously guys LOOK AT THEM

Are these even real? How cool would I be with these?

I want the combat boots... and also her hair lol

How about everything in this picture? 

I want some knee high socks !

This burberry trench... that I will never be able to afford lol. Dang you Emma Watson! ( not really I love her lol)

These are sorta like Emma's boots... so cute.

Well I'm not rich so I'm just gonna go cry ... in a corner... by myself.

Not really I have to get ready for work 

Peace! : )

This used to be a funhouse

Are you using up your tokens
Are you still playing with disguises
I know your so damn used to winning
Don't you want to choose the prizes
See I used to do it too
Play a pointless game or two
Then I had to grow up
But you just couldn't let it go
You just wanted to waste time
You had your enablers approval
So you didn't need mine
So now she's twiddling her thumbs
And now I've gone a little numb
And you can not do anything
I guess we're all a little dumb
So I refuse to stop living
I refuse to not go on
And all of this for nothing
We just wanted to have fun 

We just wanted to have fun

Living in a glass house

Im in trouble with my friend
He's giving me that look again
Seems I crushed his precious feelings
living in a glass house
He said down here its fine to lie
He said down here we never cry
I'll be putting on a smile
Well until you turn around
And now I feel a little weak
The good intentions of the meek
I should have turned the other cheek
living in a glass house

Funny Fridayz

OMG I do this all the time!  Especially when I'm home alone. I'll just be washing my hair with my eyes closed then I'll start feeling like someone is watching me LMAO!

damn whoever created vuvuzelas! DAMN YOU!

Haha I could never do this... because I am terrible at geology. Don't even ask me to name all 50 states lol

I'm not crazy...

My hair really is red. For some reason it just doesn't show in other pics. So here it is... brace yourselves lol

It's definitely gotten more red though. Its not even a pretty red, its this dark coppery hot mess lol. Ugh I do not like this!  

I can't even make fun of rihanna anymore

The magics in the makeup

So I don't really wear much makeup, especially if I'm not going anywhere lol ( or if I'm not trying to impress anyone)

Unfortunately for me I have to go back to school next week so I have to get used to wearing it again. But I'm not gonna lie I really like playing with makeup when I'm bored... which is all the time lol

Anyway here's some of my favorite things...

Maybeline "the falsies" mascara. I have really long curly eyelashes already so I don't really need it. But when I want to do really dark cat eyes it comes in handy.

Loreal H.I.P "kohl eyeliner". It last really long and the colors are really bright. I'm wearing the navy blue color .

M.A.C "creme lipglass". Love this lipgloss. It last all day.

So yeah these are my favs. I forgot to add that I use Loreal H.I.P "gel eyeliner" as my regular eyeliner, M.A.C  "mineralize skin finish foundation", and Makeup Forever concealer. They are all in the photo above. ^

Oh yeah I got the eye serum off of amazon.com after reading a lot of good reviews and it actually works. I could feel my skin tightening and my under eye bags are getting smaller and smaller each day. It was $20.

Later Guys : )

The carpenter and the painter

I’m trying really hard here
To piece together my heart
I used like fifty thousand nails
But it just falls back apart

I guess I need some super glue
But all I have are some screws
And the pieces all stay put
Until I remember you

So why do I even bother
You were the carpenter
I only painted pretty pictures
Of what our life could be

But you already had plans
You built all these dull walls
With your bare hands
And I just stood by and watched

As they eventually caved in
Despite all of your good intentions
You made it clear it was your trade
I’m just an artist with a vision


Now all that’s left is ashes and debris
Along with dreams that we let wither
If you were here to see this mess
I bet you would reconsider

Funny Fridayz

LOL maybe I should watch this show more often

Seriously people we have more important things to worry about... like helping me pass college algebra. EVERYONE FOCUSE ON THAT INSTEAD!!! there problem solved LOL

LOL Oh Mr. Bloom, no one emotes quite like you.

This is my life. Boring literature is just so... boring