The Seed

The seed

What is this poisonous seed
That I'm trying to cultivate
Making it flourish and grow
Replacing everything with hate
Its my favorite new obsession
Just what I need to let you go
I've made to many weak confessions
But I need to let you know
I spent so much time in love
In a sad robotic state
I eventually lost control
Now I'm at a strange weight
Falling back slightly off kilter
I need something to lean on
Something to balance me out
Something real Something strong
I went from feeling everything
To having a heart so vacant
That when someone shows me affection
I just assume the worst of them
I was not completely honest
And sure I had my walls before
But now I live in metal safe
With no windows and no doors
We hid ourselves back then
But still seeked comfort in each other
We were cautious of our friends
Chameleons undercover
But you changed so effortlessly
I just struggled to keep up
And when you pushed her in my face
I knew you didn't give a fuck
Then there you sat, bitter as me
I saw the light fade out your eyes
Is she as guilty as we say
Is she responsible for your lies
And if you had called
I would have came back
Despite your shameless disguise
Despite the painfully intense insurmountable good byes
And as I washed away those stains
Wishing for my last breath
You were sleeping so soundly
Undisturbed in your bed
A piercing pain in my heart
I felt  spreading to my head
And I swear I almost laughed
when I found out you were dead
But not because I was joyful
Or at your so called soulmate
Worrying more about your money
But at such an epic stalemate
The irony of love lost
before it was ever found
Someone so cold burning slowly in a car
Your avid hold on me renounced
So I felt pushed in this direction
To use my pain to make me fearless
And when I think about it all
I really should not give a shit
Ah yes this poisonous seed
It is spreading through my mind
I will hate you soon enough
I just need some more time